In desperate need of parenting tips?
Filed in Raising Kids and Teens on Jul.23, 2009
Yvonne asked:
I am a single mother of a 5 year old son. I have a VERY hard time disciplining him in ways he will listen and obey what he is told to do…perfect example of what just happened…I fixed myself a sandwich and offered to make him one, knowing as soon as he saw me eat he would want one too. I gave him the sandwich (bologna and ketchup), he took one bite and complained he did not want the crust. I told him to eat all but the crust and throw the crust away, he complained I would not hand him the trash can, I told him to get up and throw it away himself. He got upset and threw out the entire sandwich minus one bite. I told him I did not fix him a sandwich so he could just throw it away, he screamed in my face and I told him to go to his room. This is an EVERYDAY occurance, or something very similar, and I do not know what to do anymore. I have done everything I can, time outs, spankings, grounding him, ect and nothing works. We have been going to a child phycologist and he agrees…details
my son has anger issues but I simply cannot find a way to help him deal with them and at the same time keep control over his behavior. When he is with his grandparents (both sets of grandparents watch him through the week 5p-8p until I get home from work) and he is fine until I walk in the door…then all heck breaks loose. I have no idea what to do anymore, and it has only gotten worse over the past few years. Someone please help!
Guillermo
I am a single mother of a 5 year old son. I have a VERY hard time disciplining him in ways he will listen and obey what he is told to do…perfect example of what just happened…I fixed myself a sandwich and offered to make him one, knowing as soon as he saw me eat he would want one too. I gave him the sandwich (bologna and ketchup), he took one bite and complained he did not want the crust. I told him to eat all but the crust and throw the crust away, he complained I would not hand him the trash can, I told him to get up and throw it away himself. He got upset and threw out the entire sandwich minus one bite. I told him I did not fix him a sandwich so he could just throw it away, he screamed in my face and I told him to go to his room. This is an EVERYDAY occurance, or something very similar, and I do not know what to do anymore. I have done everything I can, time outs, spankings, grounding him, ect and nothing works. We have been going to a child phycologist and he agrees…details
my son has anger issues but I simply cannot find a way to help him deal with them and at the same time keep control over his behavior. When he is with his grandparents (both sets of grandparents watch him through the week 5p-8p until I get home from work) and he is fine until I walk in the door…then all heck breaks loose. I have no idea what to do anymore, and it has only gotten worse over the past few years. Someone please help!
Guillermo
July 25th, 2009 at 3:34 am
Dominik
have you tried ignoring him, and letting him scream but not giving him any satisfaction, and then once he has calmed down tried to talk to him, and if he starts to yell again leave ? I dont know but if the child is being ignored he might get some kind of point …usually he expects some kind of punishment, or he gets what he wants, so give him neither? If he yells, dont respond!
July 25th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Isaiah
He gets a reaction out of you when he throws a tantrum, ever try ignoring him until he stops throwing one? Never scream back at him and when he screams ask him to repeat himself over and over until he says it in a normal tone (unless he’s throwing a tantrum, otherwise ignore him)
When you ask him to do something and he doesn’t within a reasonable amount of time let him know you are taking something of his (a fave toy, blanket, etc) until he can obey and make sure you do it. Always follow thru and don’t correct him one day for something and then ignore it the next. Stay consistant.
Lots of luck!
July 26th, 2009 at 5:21 am
Ean
It sounds like your son is very angry w/you. Try to include him in your actions whenever possible.Ex. I`m going to make a sandwich;do you want to make one too? Ea. make your own; together; how you like them; Praise him lots. Verbalize his anger for him. That makes you mad. You`re mad at Mommy; I`m mad at you mommy. Kids get angry when their frustrated; or feel they can`t do or learn something;or wan`t your attention. Sometimes just( This is making you feel upset; lets do this instead for a while) helps; Kids are always eager to do something with you. Good luck
July 28th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Camron
What kind of psychologist are you seeing? There are some that think that traditional “play therapy” where the kids acts out their feelings works for this sort of behavior. Unfortunately, it does not.
I might try and find another child psychologist if this therapist is not helping. One who specializes in behavioral play therapy with a discipline component.
Time-outs do work-if you do them correctly. Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is a research supported therapy where the psychologist will actually coach you through the play components and then the discipline components.
You can also try the following books:
SOS Parenting Help, by Lyn Clark.
Parenting the Strong Willed Child, by Rex Forehand and Nicholas Long.
Both books are written by child psychologists.
Good luck. Consistency is the key!
Edit: I also wanted to add that if you are depressed, then you will have more difficulty punishing him or following through. It is the number one reason that parenting programs don’t work. I am not sure if you are, but being a single parent is hard.
July 31st, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Aldo
My daughter is going through a similar phase. On some days she can be very hateful and it is hard to keep my patience with her. We use 123 Magic and it works great! It has lessened the bad days, which is very nice.
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Javier
Your son’s behavior is normal for a 5 year old. I’m sorry you are having a time with it.
We were losing our minds with our 2 kids until we found ‘1, 2, 3, Magic’. Our marriage counsel recommended it. You can get the book or a video tape a the library.
Little Ones are very good at testing limits and manipulating adults. They are dependent on us for everything so getting what they want when they want is a survival skill. He’s tryong to get a reaction or response out of you – even if it is you getting angry. It sounds like you are talking to him as if he were a ‘little adult’. That usually doesn’t work.
What we learned was to not lose our cool and when they are doing something wrong we tell him. ‘I don’t like that .’ ‘That’s not nice.’ ‘ I’m going to count to 5 and I want you to do .’ ‘If you don’t you are going in time out.’ We slowly count to 5 and then our son or daughter either complies or doesn’t. If they don’t we have a time out. 1 minute per year just sitting, standing, or holding’em. After a minute or so they calm down. if they don’t let them scream it out. When they finally stop and calm down you can say time out is over unless they do it again. It takes a week or so but they learn real fast.
The parenting magic site tries to sell you the stuff but it’s been around forever so the library or your counselor might have it.
August 5th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Rylan
I have a son, very difficult. You need to know your children, know his likes and dislikes, do things before hand to avoid him being fristrated. At the end of the day, he really felt like having your bologna and ketchup sandwich. It is part of being proactive because you want to keep him happy and love him. They are small and do not know how to express themselves. The only way for them to show they fristrated is to through a trantrum.